Despite your sensitivity, do you find yourself drawn to lots of socializing or called to take adventures to new places? You may be one of those lucky sensitives who is also an extrovert or a “sensation seeker!”
How can a sensitive soul be an extrovert?
Extroverts, in the true sense of the word, are people who recharge their energy by spending time with other people. More commonly however, people think of extroversion in terms of socializing. Elaine Aron clarifies in The Highly Sensitive Person that socially extroverted sensitives will be more likely to avoid socializing when they are overaroused, as opposed to extroverted non-HSPs who actually find it easier to relax when they are around other people. This means that it is particularly challenging for extroverted sensitives to balance their needs to socialize and to withdraw to rejuvenate.
And what the heck is a sensation seeker?
As sensitive souls, we have a pause-to-check system, also called a “behavioral inhibition” system. This means that when we enter a new situation, we will stop to determine whether or not it is safe to proceed.
Sensation seekers, on the other hand, are people operate with a “behavioral activation” system. This means that they like to try new things and don’t hesitate before jumping in.
Oddly enough, however, it is possible to have both systems working equally. Ultimately, this means that sensation seeking sensitives have a very narrow range of optimal stimulation. In other words, it’s challenging to balance their urge for new experiences with their need for quiet time. It’s a real balancing act between not getting too bored and not taking on too much. Some people say it’s like having “one foot on the brake, one foot on the gas.” Elaine Aron offers a quiz to determine if you are a sensation seeker in The Highly Sensitive Person In Love.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi!
I just found this website and this blog I would like to talk about extraversion and testify on how it is indeed possible to be a HSP and yet very outgoing and adventurous!
That is what makes me kind of different and difficult to “label” if you see what I mean.Is it that weird to be a complex being, strong and yet sensitive, easily overstimulated but a sensation seeker nonetheless?
How can one find the right balance between staying calm,avoid “negative” stimulation and find some pleasure in interaction with the environment?
Nope – I don’t think it’s ‘weird’ to be a complex being! For those of us who are both sensitive and sensation-seeking, it can feel like we are pulled in incompatible directions, which can be uncomfortable and even confusing.
The key is remembering that balance is a dynamic state, not a static one. This means we dance back and forth between engaging and disengaging with stimulation. We each have to sort out for ourselves what is “just right.”
I personally try to choose my stimulation and sensation-seeking deliberately and balance it consciously with alone time / home-bound soothing activities. My trick is not letting myself get so excited by my sensation-seeking that it starts to be “too” much, which doesn’t feel good. See also my post about “chocolate cake.”
I am highly sensitive and definately a sensation seeker and what is helping me right now is so incredibly basic, but so helpful. It is simply the concept that we can go in and out of connecting and intimacy throughout the day and that is a good thing. Just actively acknowledging in my mind that I am switching gears and that is okay has really been a relief. I read a book that mentioned how people will often get in fights, argue about small things, etc. as a way of moving out of connection when really all we need to do is acknowledge and honor the shift that needs to be made. I am definately still learning and find this website so helpful.
Wow, god, thankyou!!!
I finally understand myself!
At bloomin’ last! I have finally found a label that fits, after trying everything from the enneagram to myers-briggs to find out, via twenty different countries. How does one reach 29 in the situation of just being sooo different to everyone else…unique, and previously thought (by many friends and relatives) unhelpable…(Due to my contradictory temperament….)
Now I understand! Thank you!
Jenna – I have contacted you already for a personal consultation, but in case you are interested in continuing the discussion on this thread, I am particularly interested in vocations for us easily bored but highly sensitive people. After ten years of extraordinary movement and new experience seeking, I have started teaching as I wish a reliable profession to fall back on, but am currently experiencing serious and frequent energy burnouts, brought on, I think, by ten years of denying my sensitivity, and driving myself too fast. You know what it’s like when you suddenly stop. And everything hits you…
The question for me is – how can I keep my energy levels up enough to do work that doesn’t bore me senseless? (my other work is not money-earning, but is essential to my sanity as I am highly creative/expressive.) I like teaching and helping others as a fallback, but it seems to be so easy for me now to become exhausted that just working 20 teaching hours a week with docile taiwanese children is a constant juggling act.
Help!
I am also concerned about relationships. My parents were two sensitives who battled, mostly due to not understanding themselves, and so I have largely avoided relationships due to not feeling ‘safe’ as an HSP. My tendency in relationship is either to avoid intimate relationships at all, or once in them, to hit burn out quick because of denying myself my special needs because I feel like a ‘weakling’/parasite.
Any ideas?! Thank you again for your wonderful work!
Interesting. I’m also a sensation-seeking sensitive. I love adventure, but I have to have my downtime. I was married for 17 years and my regular need for quiet alone time hurt my husband terribly. He ultimately left me to fend for myself and my kids. At first I was terrified at idea of being alone, truly alone and no safety net. Now my kids are grown and I’ve attempted relationships, but each time, I had to break it off because I was exhausted (well except for one, but he offered no emotional connection). Now I realize that I’m happiest living alone, but occasionally date long enough to remember why I live alone. Then I read that I can’t possibly be as happy and well-adjusted psychologically as people who are married. And I get confused. I guess maybe I am missing something, but the price of admission to that special show is just too high for me.
this is me to a “t”!
I say I hate people and yet am drawn to highly social environments.
I have called my need for travel and change “adrenaline addiction” but long for “security and stability” (as we discussed today on twitter)!
Like “steph” above wrote on 3/10/08 I have lived so many places, done so many different jobs to get by, yet have never felt at home or found my true work/purpose!
I too struggle with relationships. I am very demanding and needy yet tend to hold people at arm’s length…
trying to write this has me confused & distracted but excited…