I hear from many of you that you don’t want to “accept” being highly sensitive. It’s like if you give yourself permission to be who you really are, you’re giving in or even giving up somehow.
The problem with this is that when we disown parts of ourselves we’ve deemed unacceptable, we waste huge amounts of our precious life energy resisting or repressing them. Plus we usually end up making ourselves sick on some level — whether we’re soul sick or physically sick, trying to make ourselves be who we are not.
Why do we do this?
We repress, deny, and resist being highly sensitive because we’ve been programmed by our culture to believe that being highly sensitive is unacceptable. Particularly in American culture, the value is placed on being extroverted, logical, and unemotional. We’ve been told for years, “Oh, you’re just too sensitive.” And, “Stop being so emotional.” No wonder we fight it!
Here are some tips to help you get back on track:
1. Get a grip on your Inner Critic. So many sensitives have an internalized negative talk track that runs nonstop day and night.
Wrestle that Inner Critic into submission and put new, supportive self-talk habits in place by dismantling the common negative messages you’re telling yourself and replacing them with supportive thoughts (Want help with this? Mark your calendar for August 17th and 19th for my “Self-Acceptance and Inner Sanctuaries for Sensitive Souls” TeleSeminar series. Stay tuned for registration details).
Whenever you hear your Inner Critic pipe up, say, “Thanks for sharing, but I’m not interested,” and choose a new focus for your inner dialogue.
2. Value your reactions. Because we’ve internalized this idea that we’re not okay, sensitives tend to believe that our reactions are inappropriate or unacceptable. What if people don’t like your reaction because they don’t want to be called on their bad behavior? Gather information from your reactions rather than rejecting them, and make choices about what best supports you.
For example, if you’re feeling uncomfortable when someone asks you to pick them up from the airport, rather than ignoring it and saying yes, ask yourself, “What is this feeling telling me?” Give your response only once you have ALL the information.
3. Manage your fears, doubts, and worries. Create an “Inner Sanctuary” for yourself. Once you get your Inner Critic under control, you’ll also want to learn methods to soothe your fears, doubts, and worries so they aren’t running the show either. Remember, they are sourced from limiting beliefs designed to keep you fitting in and staying “safe,” but they aren’t serving your higher purpose, and they are NOT the wise voice of truth.
4. Focus on what is working. My coaching mentors always reminded me to focus on the 98% that IS working, not the tiny 2% that isn’t. Shift your focus to what IS flowing well for you, and enjoy it. Remember, what you focus on expands!
By Accepting Your High Sensitivity and Yourself For Who You REALLY Are, You Make Space for Your Beautiful Gifts to Show Up in the World
Rejecting your sensitivity costs you precious time and life energy that you could be investing in creating your dreams and doing what you were put here to do. It’s time to let go of trying to fit in and wasting energy on that negative spin cycle of limiting thinking. When you truly accept yourself as the highly sensitive being you are, you’ll be back in the Divine flow, and life will get so much easier.
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What’s Jenna doing?
~> Friday, August 7th, 12 noon Pacific Time. Jenna will be attending Elaine La Joie’s “Empathy TeleCall.” Elaine is one of Jenna’s colleagues, a masterful teacher and shaman, and a true expert on all things empathic. Find out more, here.
~> Thursday, August 13th, 4 p.m. Pacific Time. Jenna will be facilitating the Support Call for her Mastery Circle members.
~> **MARK YOUR CALENDAR** August 17 & 19 2009, Jenna will be facilitating a two-part teleseminar series on “Self-Acceptance and Inner Sanctuaries for Sensitive Souls” TeleSeminar (working title). Watch this space for registration details! Help me fine-tune the name for this class: Cast your vote here.
~> Thursday, August 26th. Jenna will be holding Laser Coaching Call-In Hours for her Mastery Circle members.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello Jenna,
This article is exactly the gentle reminder that I needed. Thank you for sharing this today.
Hi Jenna! Thanks so much for writing. After hearing so so many times about developing awareness of the “inner critic” maybe it’s starting to sink in. I have not felt I’m even aware of what the inner negative statements are. But maybe slowly it will sink in with me and I’ll be able to develop this awareness.
Also re.American culture dictating we be “extroverted, logical, and unemotional,” I’ve recently found there’s a new awareness growing (of which I’d say you are a part), that means valuing real, genuine communication, connection, relationship, even including in work relationships. I just finished the seminar on abundance sponsored by conscious one (consciousone.com), and all the new thought leaders presented, and there’s this idea that people are starved for genuine relating, honesty. And, I think the younger generation is moving us will move us forward in being more “human,” and away further from the old stereotype of the “unemotional, driven worker.” This includes those you’ve called the Indigos…I find it all sooo encouraging.
Donald, I’m so glad!
Kaye, yes, you’re so right! Isn’t it refreshing to see us moving in such a positive direction? I suppose I might qualify my remarks by saying that the paradigm of “extroverted, logical, and unemotional” is thankfully becoming the OLD paradigm, and that those of us who grew up in it and internalized it have even more support now to cast it off!
Jenna
When I read what you were saying it rang so true that I could really feel it on the inside of myself. I really believe that I can identify with this and encourage myself. Thanks.
I know I’ve wasted so much time and energy waiting and struggling to grow out of something that I now know, I will never grow out of! I’m no longer “a house divided” thanks to you, Jenna.
People want to endlessly label others for some reason. My new response: Sounds like you have an observation to share, I’ll be interested in hearing more about that! (it’s a bit sassy, but this is me, after all)
Suzanne
Deborah, I’m so glad it rang true for you. You’re welcome!
Suzanne, you are a great model for us being sassy, authentic, AND sensitive. + I love your detached observer role with other people’s labeling. Good approach.
Jenna
Great article Jenna! Once again, truth rings clear and strong. I am discovering just how important it is for us sensitives to be around people who are true as well. My energy takes so much work when I am in a situation where the energy from others is thick and ego based. I love your insights and need your message. Thanks and blessings, Catherine
Thanks, Catherine!! Yes, we need to be surrounded by other congruent beings. Blessings to you as well.
Thank you so much for this writing. All my life I’ve heard the “you’re too sensitive” and references to the fairy tale about the “Princess and the Pea.” I’ve got a lot of inner critics to get a grip on! But you are so helpful…..Thanks again!
Beverly, Don’t forget, the princess gets the prince when she tells everyone how sensitive she is!
and you’re welcome…
I have cultivated my highly-sensitive self by creating poetry and abstract art for 50 years, now . Slowly, I’ve come to accept that I’ll never “fit in” to general society…focussing on creating more art and hanging out with fellow Mensa members, albeit at the cost of more loneliness…finding life more satisfying in return.
I am new to this blog as I stumbled across it this evening while reading my book about Indigo’s. A website was suggested, however, the site didn’t exist anymore. This blog was on the Google search engine so I clicked it. While I read the last few posts and I think they are well written as they are insightful and objective, I felt like I was at a meeting for co-dependent people. I can certainly appreciate that many people are sensitive to the point of becoming a rug. It’s difficult for me to relate to that as I am the opposite. I’ve never been told I am “too sensitive”. I have been told the opposite however, “you aren’t sensitive enough”.
What I do like about the blogs (and I have only read 3 so far) is WOW! Other people have this problem as well? I have read some books on highly sensitive people (the ones I see Jenna recommends) but I haven’t read anything about it. I am empathic and currently I see it as a curse. Even the book I am reading makes a mockery of sensitivity (in my opinion) by the author stating-I don’t want to change my sensitivity. I experience chocolate on a deeper level than others. Seriously? And I don’t want to be told I should delve into my psychic abilities either! That realm is too overwhelming!
So, here is what I have to share. Maybe you have discussed it before and maybe you haven’t. I want something new for sensitivity. Maybe mine isn’t special or unique but so far the grounding and shielding and breathwork and exercise and Reiki and quitting smoking and not drinking caffeine…so far nothing has helped. I will soon graduate with my masters degree in counseling and I am scared to go back to work! I quit my job as an inpatient drug therapist recently because I was sick daily. Each day I woke up felt like my first day! I was always so nervous. Every social work job I have had, I’ve ended up getting ill. I got shingles when I was 30. When we go around the room on the first day of class and everyone says what they want to do, I usually say “counseling light” and everyone gives an awkward laugh and they move on quickly.
I want to stop seeing this as a curse. Maybe this blog can give me some insight. Thanks for listening.
I know firsthand the cost of ignoring or repressing a feeling or insight or whisper (sometimes a WHAP!) about a situation. I have learned that when I get these sensations, to DIALOGUE with them (in your mind). AND to know that I may not know the WHY of it, but it is there and it is real, even if it is subtle, and I only hurt myself if I ignore it or do not regard it and respond to it. Sometimes it makes me want to cry because I always feel different, like I see and know things other people are not aware of, but I MUST continue to work with it and through it to understand it and communicate with it, for ultimately I think it is a pathway home.
Thank you for reaffirming who I am. With help from people like you, a 12 step program. I am coming to understand a God of my understanding, heal, grow, create and in time ultimately become the person I am meant to be. My positive inner visions are a gift and I trust them today. Thank you for being a part of that process.
Sincerely and with synchronicity, Grady
Hi Jenna, This article made me feel so relieved and thankful for being sensitive.
ThankYou So much !
Recently,I found a very useful link for learning how to draw and paint for free
here it is : http://www.how-to-draw-and-paint.com.
I had a big feeling to share with all sensitive souls in the world!
Yippee!
Bows
Bye Bye.