As a highly sensitive soul in this not-so-sensitive world, you’re probably fairly hard on yourself.
It’s a common challenge for sensitives — you’re not alone if this happens for you.
Every time I work with a fellow sensitive soul, it seems like we always bump into some kind of fear or limiting belief about not having value in the world, not being good enough, or being “too” something – too sensitive, too emotional, or too dramatic, for instance.
I consistently hear sensitives talk about being afraid people will think they’re crazy, “need help,” or are “high maintenance.”
I also hear sensitives struggling against being sensitive, not wanting to accept it, and wanting instead to learn to get around it or be “cured” somehow. I also hear from sensitives who are still thinking “there’s something wrong with me.”
Why This Happens
This happens because of the deeply internalized negative messages we’ve picked up from the people around us who don’t value high sensitivity. We heard these messages growing up, and we judged ourselves against them. We do it to ourselves now.
We also have incredibly high standards because we can see, like the visionaries we are, the greatest, highest potential in any situation or person, and it can be physically painful when there’s a mismatch between the potential we see and what’s actually happening.
We hold ourselves to these impossible standards as well, and every time something goes “wrong” in our lives, we blame ourselves for not measuring up.
Most sensitives have a trail of seeming failures rippling behind them that they can’t shake off or let go of, even digging up those past stories for painful review at challenging moments.
Guess What?
- It’s really, truly, deeply past time to let go of all that dead weight and negative thinking.
- It’s time to learn about what it ** really ** means to be highly sensitive and how you can put it to use in your life to create the good you are here to create.
- It’s time to learn how to disarm those negative talk tracks so you can get back on track doing what you were put here to do.
Here’s the Solution
- Finally, deeply, accept who you are,
- Give yourself permission to be sensitive,
- Stop expecting yourself to fit into the mainstream world, and,
- Redesign your life to actually work with your high sensitivity.
The biggest obstacle I see that prevents sensitives from making and integrating these changes is not knowing how to quiet those negative inner voices that say, “You can’t, you shouldn’t, you won’t, you don’t, you should, you’re not,” etc. (If you’d like help with this, please join me for my “Quiet Your Inner Critic: Learn to Love Your Sensitive Self” telephone course next week on August 17 and 19. Click here to register.)
The key is learning not to let them stop you by changing your inner philosophy about yourself and your high sensitivity so they lose their power over you.
It’s Time to Choose — Who Do You Want to Listen To?
Remember, YOU are the one in charge, and those limiting fears are the scared voices of your past that have nothing to do with reality. Which voices do you want to listen to? The voices of fear and doubt, or the voices of truth and wisdom? You decide.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
This is something I have struggled with for years and continues to be my most self-limiting trait as a human being. I’ve never connected it to being a HSP but it makes so much sense – thank you! I recently had a phone call with my mentor and she noticed my inner critic voice and had a few suggestions that really helped. She suggested that instead of trying to silence the voice, which is something I have tried to do for years without success, I try giving it love and understanding. So if for instance I hear my inner critic telling me “you screwed up just now”, I can validate that voice first by saying “that could possibly be true.” But then I can say, “Or could also just as equally be true that x, y, or z?” If I try and silence the voice instead, it sounds like “stop it, you’re too sensitive, you’re obsessing again” and only continues to force myself deeper into the downward spiral. She also reminded me that somewhere down the line I created this inner persona for a good reason, perhaps in my childhood, and that when it shows up I might tell it that I appreciate all it has protected me from or helped me grow in the past, but that I may be able to gently let it know that I am okay in this moment. Also I am finding using centering, relaxing techniques I happen to teach as a childbirth educator (breath awareness, aromatherapy, etc) helps me a lot when I find myself in a situation where I expect some negative self-talk. I have been trying this approach over the last month, treating myself lovingly like a child, and it has helped so much. Just wanted to pass on the thoughts in case it may help someone else.
Hi Kristina,
Great suggestions, and very much along the lines of what I’m teaching in my class next week, with some structured tools to help.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us!
Warmly,
Jenna
Jenna, you have pointed to the cripplers of my young intelligence and freedom… I knew this to be true but, seeing it in words… well, The truth shall set you free… I Thank you!
Awesome awareness here – of harsh criticism in my youth from the honored ones in the family who possibly saw my intelligence as a threat… I don’t know, but it did cripple my ability to believe in myself. …sad but true. I will take yor words to heart… thanks again.
Thank you for your article. I identify with many of the issues you talk about. HSP do set very high standards for themselves. Mine you what good are these high standards if we use our standards to bet ourselves up. It’s interesting that we rarely say to a person don’t be so insensitive. I am slowly learning not to internalise other people comments about me…eg im to sensitive. The challenge is being aware of your thinking and feeling you have and then replacing the thought with other positive messages. It takes time and is initially hard work. I’m still busy working on my thinking. I so agree with your statement that sensitive/intitutive perceptions mismatch between the person potential and the reality of the situation. I guess it come back to how you assess the situation and whether you say something or say nothing.
Thanks Kistina for you suggestion about dealing with the inner critic. Really helpful.
I am being criticized more and more for wearing my feelings on my sleeve or shoulders by the most high ups in my profession to the lowest ones. I would like to become a supervisor but many supervisors and Program Directors say you need to desenstize yourself first because this is a hard job and you have a tendency to go off on people. Is there any way I can stop putting myself down so much and getting mad and blurting out how I feel when I get mad at the smallest little thing someone says about me?
This really is a great post Jenna,
After years of pushing being in denial I am finally strong enough to open up the problems I have with confidence. And work on them, some people can be so cruel with passing comments, and not realise how they will affect a person for years after!
I have started up my dream by beginning singing lessons, after being laughed at when I was younger at the thought of wanting to sing. I now have supportive people around me and althought it is new and nerve-racking to me to have this positive support, I feel like I am just starting to build myself.
Brodie,
I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. Having supportive people around you is a huge key to success. I’m glad you have that for yourself. Great work, and keep singing!
Warmly,
Jenna
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