Earlier this week I published an article on being a “healthy” and skilled sensitive soul, and wanted to share more tidbits with you about continuing to raise your level of consciousness. (You can read the first installment here.)
Are You a Healthy Sensitive Soul? (Part 2)
6. Sensitives who know how to listen and how to communicate their needs appropriately and respectfully have easier relationships. Sensitives who feel challenged with communication tend to talk more than they listen, feel like no one understands them, and struggle in their relationships as a result.
7. Sensitives who have clear, firm boundaries know how to say “No” and don’t over give. Sensitives with weaker boundaries let people trample on them so they feel like a doormat or scapegoat. (I’ll be speaking about setting clear boundaries in my free telephone seminar on Monday, October 26. Stay tuned for registration details.)
Sensitives who try to please everyone else first, and give and give, usually end up feeling resentful (a sure sign we’ve overstepped our own boundaries).
8. Sensitives with an appreciation for their sensitivity use and develop their gifts to make a contribution to the world in a sensitivity-appropriate way. Sensitives who are still learning how to treat their sensitivity respectfully often discount it, and sometimes hold back on participating in what’s important to them because of their high sensitivity.
9. Sensitives with a big picture perspective can appreciate life’s beauty even at difficult moments. Sensitives who haven’t yet developed a philosophical spirituality often end up trying to be the “general manager of the Universe” by controlling everything and everyone around them. Fear usually plays a key role in this.
10. Sensitives who know when “enough is enough” don’t get bogged down by perfectionism and are able to move forward in their lives. Sensitives who can’t see past the the details and don’t know when to “call it” often get stuck and can’t take action.
It Takes a Critical Mass of Subtle Adjustments
Learning to be a happy, healthy, highly sensitive soul and accomplish your Soul’s Purpose in this less-than-sensitive world requires a “critical mass of subtle adjustments,” as I like to say.
In other words, learn the energy skills, master your self-care, straighten out your self-talk a bit at a time, slow and steady, and before you know it, you’ll have reached that turning point where you can see the glorious possibilities of true sensitive living.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
When I’m in a conversation on Skype and the person I’m communicating with is very clearly giving me divided attention, I become extremely irritated and angry and I see it as disrespectful. Being open and direct, I speak my truth and then there’s a big fight. When I am in conversation with a person I give that person my undivided attention. Is this disrespect from his/her part (which happens more than often), or just plain controlling from my part?
Regards.
Willien
Willien,
I think the first clue is that you say you become “extremely irritated and angry”. Your ego is saying “How dare this person be disrespectful to ME”, so when you speak your truth you are likely defensive and confrontational. Of course, this will lead to defensiveness on the part of the other person. Perhaps if you could remind yourself that their behavior is not about you, it would be easier to prevent yourself from getting so angry, which would enable you to simply say (kindly) “Perhaps we can talk at another time when you are not distracted..” This would give the person the message that you would like their full attention when they are talking to you, and you would save yourself from getting so upset. It takes practice to do this, but it is very worthwhile because you teach yourself not to overreact, which is best for you in the long run.
This two-part series is a helpful start to realizing where I am unhealthy in my life and specific areas I can takes steps to work on. I’ve known for several years that I’m an HSP but I haven’t honored it or even paid much attention to it. Very recently I’ve begun to look at my life and I am committed to making positive changes, and fortunately I found Jenna’s work!! It’s very exciting to bring awareness of my HSP nature to the forefront once again because it really explains a lot. One example is that I work in a mainstream job even though I’ve had flashes that I’m not built for mainstream- but the fear of instability has kept me in the mainstream. But I’m at the point of being so unhealthy that if I continue to try to cram myself into mainstream, I’m afraid my light will completely burn out. I want my light to shine!! I want to bring my unique talents and gifts to the world and I want to honor myself and my sensitivity in the process. What a novel and wonderful idea! Thank you Jenna and the rest of this community for being here and sharing!
Namaste,
Jennifer
BOUNDARIES, why is it us sensitives can never know enough about them? LOL. Well I can only speak for myself. It seems what to me was “kindness” and natural, was taken as being a doormat by others, I’ve employed a couple people and treated them the way I always wanted to be treated by a boss, only to have them become monsters and try to control me later on. Jenna you mentioned it’s a boundary issue. I’d love to work on that area more.
Since retiring from psychological work and focussing on creating poetry and abstract art, I’ve led a much more tranquil, contented life…I recite and exhibit to appreciative audiences, meditate, challenge Christian and Buddhist leaders, mark the subtilities of Bach, Brahms and Joplin, travel round the US and Scandinavia. I still say and do regretful things, as an HSP having but little empathy for others or forgiveness for self. I attempt remedies such as kindly acts, charitible giving and self-talk. I need some 20 more years of this, think I’ll have them at 83 today.
Hi,
Thank you for the great articles, emails and just being there. I now feel less alone in my world of non-sensitive (normal by our cultural standards), non-intuitive family members. I am very sensitive, intuitive and psychic. After years and years of ridicule, I have come to the conclusion that we’re more evolved and in touch with our emotions than others and I feel sad for them. I have proven my skills to my family members and friends time and time again. They live in fear of the unknown and refuse to cultivate what already exits within them. We should have courses in school on being intuitive, psychic, and sensitive. I constantly try reinforce in my young adult children to open themselves to their gifts. They are all psychic, intuitive and sensitive. It is confusing for them, much as it was for me at their age. Unless you’re aware of these qualities as gifts, life can be extremely difficult. Thank you again for your contact.
Is there any scientific evidence to back up the existence of HSP as a character trait or whatever part of our consciousness it is catagorized? I know I am an introvert and this HSP aspect makes a lot of sense to me, but I am concerned that others would think that I am just trying to create an extra attribute in order to get attention.
The year 2009 has been the year of finally speaking my truth and asking for what I need. I am very happy about this but at the same time I still feel that I need to be more in the middle because I went to the other extreme which is aggressive. For now this is how I am expressing myself and that’s okay even though it may not sit well with others. I have alot of anger in me (most of it is justified) which I am going to find a therapist to talk it over with and try to find other ways to channel it. Right now I am presently unemployed but I am working on myself and trying to take care of myself by exercising regularly and taking vitamins and omega 3 capsules and writing daily in my journal which also includes being grateful even for the small but positive things that come way. I also have a morning ritual where I say positive affirmations and sometimes listen to guided meditations. It helps to relax me and keep the anxiety at bay. I have even started to see a career counsellor to reorient myself because I don’t want to work in an office at a 9:00 to 5:00 job. I would like flexible hours and also wish I could work for myself but don’t yet know doing or selling what. I am also trying to surround myself with supportive and positive people. Anyhow, good luck on your journey towards fulfillment and self actualization. Peace, Love and Harmony always. Giovanna.
Thank you Jenna, it seems like I can never have enough reminders to have clear boundaries. I think I have become quite skilled at knowing where my boundaries and the boundaries of others are; I almost never overstep the boundaries of other people but I still sometimes struggle a bit when it comes to practising respect for my own. With every occasion that I stand up for my own boundaries and self-respect I get a bit better at it though, so I suppose like any skill it takes practice. I do sometimes battle to know where kindness to others ends and being treated as a doormat begins, I would love you to do an article on this topic sometime, because I want to be a kind, compassionate person and a safe place for other people, but not at the expense of my own emotional health.
Thanks for providing this checklist, Jenna. I’m still learning about how to appreciate my high sensitivity as the gift that it is, so anything I can learn (or relearn) about how to take care of myself will be helpful. If it’s OK with you, I’m putting the points into a spreadsheet and creating a scale to check myself periodically. If I don’t have something that I can put on the refrigerator as a reminder, it’ll get buried under something and I’ll forget it. The main thing I’ve learned from these articles and from my own personal experience that taking care of myself as an HSP is a lifelong endeavor, not just something to get me through stressful situations.
Yes, I have a comment on this subject, being a healthy sensative.
My comment is not so much of are you a healthy sensative, I’ve
struggled with this sensativity at a very young age and with in the past
couple or so years have come to realizing terms with it.
Anyway, I would like to ask the many sensative souls out there about
there past experiences if they have at one time or another of an out of
body experience and of the sort or unexplaind? Thank you! Brad
A few years ago, while taking my MA in Theology, my spiritual director suggested I read the book – The Highly Sensitive Person. I could relate in so many ways to my own life experiences. I am a trained spiritual director but have not found my niche and know that I do not belong in the corporate environment. These are all aspects that I have tried to incorporate into my life.
Thank you, Jenna. Your checklist and updates always prove enlightening, and as great reminders (in the rush of the everyday, it is so easy to forget sometimes!) I am blessed to have other HSP’s as best friends, so at least I don’t feel misunderstood by them. But, the clincher is when I am at work, where, even though it’s technically in a “wellness” field, my coworkers are not fellow practitioners, and they overstep my boundaries all the time (the atmosphere is generally chaotic and noisy.) As Clare mentioned, I too have no problem in avoiding to overstep the boundaries of other people, but am still taken aback when others overstep mine. However, I have been taking baby steps; and I am very proud of these mini milestones! (Although, I am admittedly impatient with my seemingly turtle-like pace.) As always, reading everyone’s feedback on your blogs are very affirming of my own experience and existence. And that, in itself, is already a wonderful thing! Thanks, everyone!
A wonderful article to know what it takes to stay healthy as a Sensitive Soul. Years ago I struggled daily with many of these areas as a unhealthy individual. I’m thankful to be a “self-aware” individual to have used my frustrations, disappointments, etc. to change how I would work in this world. The saying, “Be In This World, Not Of This World” is one to keep always to help one keep the balance going. And that is it in a nutshell….BALANCE!